Nikki’s top 5 reasons cancer doesn’t suck 100% of the time

I am back from a quick trip to Portland to visit a GIST specialist and had my first scan done to look for progress. While I await the next steps for my treatment plan, which is obviously both stressful and scary, I decided to share with all of you some of the “lighter” moments I’ve been able to find over the past eight weeks. I think, personally, I’ve made a lot of progress in accepting and understanding my diagnosis over the past couple of weeks. Humor has always been my to cope with tough situations and this is no different. Everyday is still hard, but hey—at least it doesn’t suck 100% of the time any more.

1.) I get to eat whatever I want every day.

If you know me, you know I am literally always on a diet. Whether it’s a juice cleanse, paleo or simply “this is LIKE pizza but the crust is made from plantains and flax seed and only has 112 calories in it…”; it is always something. I even won an award from MyFitnessPal in 2014 for being in the top 10 food loggers for the year (still proud). In any event, cancer has made me really skinny. Like, skinnier than I can remember. I believe I weigh a whopping 40 pounds less than I did on my wedding day—this is not a good thing by the way. First, I look ridiculous. My head is huge and my arms are skinny and my gut protrudes because my liver is enlarged. Second, when you have cancer, you can’t control many things, but nutrition is one of them and if your body is going to fight side effects or have surgery, you need a little extra padding, which I now have none of.

Because I’ve been so nauseated, fatigued, depressed and just lacking of all appetite-- when I do want to eat, I get to eat literally whatever I want whenever I want. Unfortunately, cancer has not refined my taste buds. My primary food groups include frozen breakfast pizzas, Twizzlers, Pringles, edamame and Cream of Wheat. I will say I’ve recently been on a Nutty Buddy kick—you know those Little Debbie wafer things? Yeah, I haven’t had one since childhood, but I had a dream about them and woke up wanting one and have been binging on them since. Rest assured, both my mother and John also force-feed me nutritious items and a healthy serving of Ensure protein supplement drinks every single day to supplement.

2.) My feet are literally never cold.

I have always been a person whose feet get icy cold. I usually just put them directly onto my husband to warm them up, but since my diagnosis, I’ve received more than 20 pairs of the cutest, fuzziest, warmest socks in care packages from friends and family. I’m working my way through them slowly. Many of them feature cats. Meow. Cold feet, no more!

3.) I have a lot of time on my hands to discover the best of YouTube

I am on a leave of absence from work and both my mom and John work during the day, which leaves me on my own for entertainment during the day. I’ve already watched 8 seasons of Unsolved Mysteries, all of the alien documentaries and everything else of interest on Netflix, so I moved onto YouTube one day when I was bored. Things get pretty crazy on there. However, I will share with you only my best find: Aca-Taco Bell. How did I ever live without this in my life?

4.) Over $1200 has been donated to Planned Parenthood in my name

When I was first diagnosed, everybody wanted to know what to do, what to send, how to help—which is amazing obviously and I am very blessed to have those people in my life. Because I am a woman of privilege, despite cancer, I asked my parents, husband and close friends to tell anyone who asked (after a certain point) to make donations to Planned Parenthood in my name, so women who lack access to affordable health care can continue to get the help they need. While I can’t be sure of the exact total, if each person I received a donation thank you card in the mail from donated at least $10, then at least $1200 has been donated. I hope this can make a small difference, despite the politicians who threaten to defund PP daily.

5.) Not a day goes by that I question the love from friends, family, acquaintances near and far.

Not that I ever questioned it, but when you have cancer, allies come out of the woodwork from the strangest places. My friends dropped what they were doing and booked flights to sit on a couch with for an entire weekend. Andrea even took a greyhound bus to Phoenix in the middle of the night when her flight got cancelled—that’s true love y’all.

People sent gifts, texts, cards, prayers, e-cards and all of their love. I received messages of love and hope from people I have never met, who only know my family. My co-workers continued to check in on me, read my blog, send gifts and flowers—they have gone above and beyond what co-workers are required to do when someone gets sick amongst them. I wake up daily to text messages of inspiration and strength from Kimberly, my beloved partner in all things work (also known as the person I like to “wake snakes” with).

I’ve never been one to lean on anybody, but now that I need to do so—literally every single person in my life, and so many more, have shown up and put out their hands to help hold me up.