Thank you to every single person who has reached out to me by phone, text, mail, Facebook, messenger pigeons, and smoke signals even when I did not/ could not reply. Your support has meant the absolute world to me and I don't even deserve it in any way. For those who sent gorgeous flowers and gifts, formal thank you notes are obviously on the way.
As I said in my last post, I have been widely in denial which has caused a delay to response to many of these messages. I will respond, but until then, know I am reading and they touch my heart and me cry with a joyous heart.
Special thank you to,,,
My friends from afar who offered...or did...drop everything to come be with me, even when I said no
My oldest friends who check on me every since day and provide so many words of kindness
My newest friends who showed up in the hospital and offer to drive me all over town
My sorority sisters who has sent more love, fundraised hundreds of dollars for cancer and offered too many resources, services and more to my family.
To Libertyville, Illinois, who, I've heard, have me on every prayer list
My co-workers who worry about me, encouraging me to do the best thing for my health even if it means more work for them
My family who has tirelessly called to check on me, even though I wouldn't talk to them
My dad who dropped everything to come to Phoenix to deal with my health and continues to look for the best options for my treatment
My mom who has been feeding me, sleeping on couches and on the phone endlessly to be my best advocate
My husband, the real MVP, for waiting on me, day and night. He divides up my medication into those old people pill organizers. He goes out at 10pm to buy me pretzels. He sleeps on the couch when he is sick, so he doesn't get me sick. He didn't sign up for this and I feel heartbroken that I am putting him through it everyday.
So, that's that. I hope I didn't forget anyone.
I will get back to everyone, I promise. I love you all so much.
Oh Nikki, I am so truly sorry you have to go through this! I totally understand the feeling guilty part as I felt the same way and had an extremely hard time letting people help me. I don't know about you, but I actually felt angry and then I would be mad at myself for feeling that way! You need to try to remember to let other people feel as good about doing for you as you have felt when you have done for them throughout your life. And John loves you so much, and knows that you would do the same for him. He actually did sign up for this! You both did! I saw and heard you take your vows!! ;-) Try not to waste your tears and emotional energy worrying about that part, even though it's so much easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteYou are more than allowed your feelings of denial, you are much too young and you've always been so strong, it makes no sense that you should have to deal with all of this. Along with all of those other feelings, please remain confident that you will beat this as we all know you will! To hell with the doctors and their depressing words, you know you can do this!
I'm sorry there are no words any of us can say to fix everything, but I'm one of many who believe in you and the power you have. I'm glad you have and can feel the powerful love and support that surrounds you and the blessings of having that kind of effect on people. I wish I could have embraced that more (not that I didn't appreciate it). I think some of us just have a hard time being weak in any way, but it really is okay, I get that now. My continued thoughts and prayers are with you, you're an amazing woman who is destined to do amazing things!! xoxo
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ReplyDeleteHang in there, Nikki. Thank you for writing this blog so we can know a bit about what you are going through.
ReplyDeleteWe all miss you here at work. I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way every day for your recovery. Try not to worry about anything but getting better.
Nikki, I still have such wonderful memories of you as one of the most confident and wonderfully out spoken students I had taught then and since. I am so sorry you are going through this; you shouldn't have to. But, if any one can take on cancer, beat the hell out of it, kick the s**t out of it, and throw it into the gutter, it is you. You have no idea how excitedly I would return to the Social Studies office after class, recounting an observation you made, or a clever comment you shared. I will never forget a discussion one time you were having about gay marriage when you commented "why shouldn't gay people be allowed to marry. They should be able to be as miserable as straight people". I thought I was going to explode with laughter. I have retold that so many times I have lost count. If you need anything, Please let me know. But know this. I pray for you every day and it crushes me to think that you have to face this. But I am confident "You've got this". ❤
ReplyDeleteI love you. Your spunky spirit is still within you, of that I am sure. You are thought of often by many and on more prayer lists than you know. Personally I send you as many positive thoughts your way many times a day. Sending you hippo love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteSending love and here to support your biggest job right now: creating your complete wellness. Here's some great work news: conformity is on the Governor's desk. Don't know if that's ever happened in February! We've got your back at work. All is well.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you every day and sending healing thoughts. You were with us in spirit today as we put together trains that will go to children at a domestic violence shelter. Kimberly shared that you were dreaming about trains, so I feel like you were with us. Miss you!
ReplyDelete-Heidi